falling in with the wrong crowd
by gina101
Summary: a diary of buffy's life....she falls in love with her dad's workmate, william and loses touch with her dad until it's too late....... please read!
1. The Beginning

Falling in with the wrong crowd.

The beginning.

Hey there, my names Buffy Ann Summers. I'm now eighty years old and was Daddies little girl. I say was because, he's now dead. I thought it was my entire fault at first, now I've learned to live with it.

It's coming up to my eighty first birthday soon, so I thought I'd write about my life so far. I now live in England with two kids. My husband, William, was amazing. He was the reason I stopped talking to my father. It wasn't my fault though; I guess you can't help who you fall in love with.

Okay, the reason was, William was dad's mate. They were best mates. Now I know what you might be thinking, me going out with someone my father's age. It was not like that at all, he was younger than my father, way younger. I first met him when my dad brought him home for tea one night. They had a business deal they had to finish so William was there the whole night. I was seventeen then, there was only he was only five years older than me. He was hot; he had white blonde hair and a muscular body. His eyes were a light blue and I found myself staring into them every time I looked at him. I didn't mean to, but there was just something about him. His work mates called him Spike. I had no idea why and still don't.

I remember the first words he spoke to me; "Will you pass the bread please." His accent was a thick British one and made him seem even dreamier. When I first met him I knew that I had to have him. But I couldn't, he was dad's work mate, but he was sexy as hell.

The second time I saw him was when I went to one of dad's work ball things. They were celebrating a business deal, I didn't care about that. I was eighteen at that ball. It had been a year since I last saw him, and he remembered me even then. He even asked me to dace, the way he held my body made me want him even more. I used to write about him in my diary every night. Sounds a little sad really, but he was worth it. That's what I thought until I met her. Then my idea's about him soon changed.


	2. The Mistake

The mistake.

When I say her, I mean Spike's girlfriend. I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after he danced with me. I remember that night, I cried my eyes out. I really thought I had a chance with him, but what did I know? I was a stupid kid.

After that, I knew I'd have to find something to take my mind off him. I did, for a while. I started going out to this really cool club near my house, it was called the Bronze. There I met a few cute lads. The first one was Rick; he was sweet, but real geeky. The second was Stewart, he was also the last. After the second date with him he tried it on. I pushed him off straight away; I wasn't ready for that sort of thing, not yet anyway. After he tried it on with me in his car, he pushed me out and drove off. I was left there, humiliated, to walk alone.

That was when Spike drove past in his car.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked seeing my tear stained face. I couldn't answer him; I sat in his car and cried on him. He was very comforting. He assured me that everything would be okay and I did the right thing.

"I'll take you home." He said, his eyes were so blue. I loved to stare into them. I did, but when it got too intimate I looked away.

Soon Spike roared the engine up and we headed off to my house. I would never forget that night, and not just for the thing that happened next.

"You want me to help you inside? Explain everything to your father?" he asked turning the ignition off.

He didn't give me any time to answer the question, it wasn't really a question, and it was an order. He came in and told dad everything, I went upstairs when he did. I couldn't face dad, dad would have been on my side but I just couldn't face him.

I stood in my bedroom and began to undress. Suddenly there was a knock at my door, it was Spike.

"Hey." He said letting himself in.

"Hey." I said and sat down on the bed; he came and sat at the side of me. God he smelt so good, and looked it too. He was wearing his black t-shirt and leather jacket.

Not to forget his trousers, he wore tight black jeans that made his ass look real good.

I smiled at him and he returned it and shuffled on the bed to face me.

"Thanks for telling dad."

"It's okay," he paused. "You know you shouldn't just go in strange guys cars.

You don't know what these guys could be expecting." He said calmly, which made me feel really bad when I snapped at him.

"I got I your car didn't I?"

He stood up to go. "Wait." I said and stood up too. "I didn't mean that.

I guess I'm just a little tired and moody. Friends?" I pouted forcing him to laugh and nod.

"Good." I said and remained staring into his eyes. I don't know what happened then, I got a tingly feeling and he must of too, cause the next second he was kissing me.

He caressed my face and kissed me deeply moving towards my bed. He laid me on my back and started pulling my top over my head. That moment was the one

I had been waiting for forever, but when it happened

I felt real bad. All I could think about was his girlfriend.

Mellissa her name was, she wasn't real pretty but was intelligent.

When Spike's hands went down to my

body and to the zipper on my pants, I pushed him off.

He looked at me with a embarrassed

expression and bounced up and out of the door.

That night was another night I cried myself to sleep. I had almost got the thing

I had wanted for a long time, and when it almost happened I felt guilty as hell.


	3. The Aftermath

The Aftermath.

The night after was then officially the worst. Dad invited Spike and Melissa to dinner. It was hard to sit and watcher her all loved up with him. I bet he found it hard too, because he spent most

of the night staring at me, only when I looked at him he looked away.

After we ate I excused myself and said I had some college work to do.

I had been attending UC Sunnydale for only a month now and I really did

have work to do. So I figured I would get some of it done, at that point

I would have done anything to take my mind off Spike.

"In the periodic table, O is……" I thought aloud.

"Oxygen." A voice said from behind me.

I knew whose voice it was, Spike's.

I turned around and looked at the floor, "Hi." I said trying to be polite.

"We need to talk." He said bluntly.

"About what?" I was playing dumb then,

normally it worked, but not on him. Not on Spike.

I placed down my pen and looked at him.

Not in the eyes though, I couldn't.

"So…" I was the first to start.

"I'm sorry."

"For…?" I asked to sound like

I already had forgotten about it.

"Kissing you. You're a kid and I shouldn't have."

"A kid?" I was shocked, I knew I was young, but a kid? He had just gotten himself into my bad books then.

"Well, yeah." He looked confused at my sudden anger.

"I am not a kid, I'm eighteen for god sake." I stood up and clenched my fists.

"Easy there tiger." Spike said laughing at me being angry.

This made me even madder.

"Do not laugh at me." I gritted my teeth and swung for him,

it didn't work. He grabbed my fists and twisted me so he was at the back of me. I really wanted him to get off me then. For the first time I met him I really disliked him then.

"Get off me." I screeched loud enough for my mom or dad to hear.

"Your parents have gone out. Going to get some ice cream,

so it's just me and you in the house. And I really think he should talk."

I stopped tensing that moment and he let me go. I fell to the floor when he dropped me.

It kinda hurt, but I'd had worse.

"I think we should forget about it." I said,

I didn't want to. But it was the right thing to do.

Spike agreed he looked sort of disappointed.

"It's for the best." I said when he was about to leave and he just nodded.

I really regretted saying that. i wanted to be with Spike.

I knew I couldn't, he was my dad's best friend and work mate.

Besides I thought then it would never work out.

Boy was I wrong.


	4. Behind Daddies Back

Behind daddies back.

The next few weeks flew by. I started to concentrate more and more on my studies. I had decided I wanted to be a novelist. I had a pretty good imagination. Dad laughed when I told him, but mum was very supportive, she said if I needed anything she'll help me out.

I didn't see Spike for about three weeks and was starting to forget about him. Then one day he came to see dad, he looked a lil upset about something. I didn't know what it was so I stayed upstairs and did some work I got from college. We had to analyse one of our stories and say what we'd do again and that. It was pretty easy; however my concentration soon went when I got a knock at my door.

When I turned around Spike was already in my room.

He still looked upset and sat down on my bed, "Hey." He said.

"Hey." I said placing my pen down on my desk.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes until I broke it.

"What's up?" I asked swivelling my chair round to face him.

"Me and Melissa broke up." he blurted out. A part of me was relived; maybe this could have been my chance. No, I couldn't, he was still daddies friend.

"You okay?"

"No, I don't know."

"What happened?" I asked trying not to tread on thin ice, so to speak.

"She found out that I cheated on her." I suddenly got scared. I think he could tell I was scared because he added, "she doesn't know it was you."

"Good." I said and then we went back to the silence again.

Both of us looked for something to say, I think he both knew what we wanted to say, but neither could.

"I should be going." He said and stood up, all I did was nod. I sat and watched him leave that night knowing I did the worst thing ever. I'd walked away from love.

The morning after, I knew I had to take matters into my own hands. I didn't go to college, instead I went to Spike's place. He lived in a flat. The building, where the flat was, looked posh and expensive. I went up to the number that was in my dad's phone book, number 113. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer. I stood there for what felt like a decade, I didn't think I could have gone through with it, but there was no turning back. The door opened and Spike stood there in those tight jeans I loved to see him in.

"Buffy?" he looked puzzled.

"Spike, hey." I thought it was a big mistake then. What was I thinking?

"What are you doing here?" he asked rubbing his eyes. He looked like he had just been in bed.

"Well, I could stand out here and tell you or you could let me in." I was always sarcastic and cocky. Everyone said I got it from dad.

He let me in and stood there waiting for an explanation. At that moment I suddenly realised, I couldn't do it. I couldn't ruin his life, even if he did like me.

"I can't… I've got to go." I said and headed for the door. He grabbed my arm and spun me round to face him. I couldn't look at him; instead I gazed at the floor.

"Buffy, tell me what your doing here." He lifted my head up with his arm forcing me to look at him.

"I." I started wondering how to word it. I had had it all worked out, a plan of what to say in my head, but when it came down to it. I had no idea what to say.

"I, have. I think I've developed feelings for you." I blurted out and surprised myself at how close to my plan it sounded.

"Thank god I'm not the only one." He said and I looked at him wondering what he meant. Did he too have feelings for me? I hoped so. "I love you Buffy." I wanted him to say, but he didn't he sat down and held his head in his arms. I guess falling for your mate's daughter was real confusing for a guy like him. I went and sat next to him wondering what was going to happen next.

"What now?" I asked when the silence got too much for me. I felt like walking out there and then, but if I did I would have never found out how he felt about me.

"We," he paused and looked at me. "We could be together. Behind your dad's back." He said, I got the feeling then that he was looking into my eyes to find the answer my lips were not saying.

I couldn't say anything, instead I kissed him. And from then on, we were together. Behind daddies back.


	5. Letting the cat out of the bag

Letting the cat out of the bag.

The next few weeks were the best, I was with Spike almost everyday and dad didn't think anything of it. Partly because he didn't know it was Spike I was seeing.

He took me out to restaurants away form Sunnydale so no one knew us, but mostly we stayed in his apartment. He was always gentle with me but rough at the same time. For the first time in my life I knew I was in love.

One night changed that though, I came home after a wonderful night with Spike. Dad looked pissed and mum was crying in the kitchen.

"What's up?" I said, I couldn't help having a grin on my face.

Dad came over to me, his eyes raging with evil and madness; he lifted up his hand and hit me across the face.

I stood there holding my face; tears filled my eyes as I wondered what I'd done wrong. Then it hit me, I saw Melissa stood there, smiling at her handy work. I only thought of one thing at that moment; what was dad going to do to Spike? I hoped he wouldn't I loved him and didn't want to see him hurt.

"You bitch." Dad shouted at me, for the first time in my life I didn't know who my dad was.

He wasn't my dad, he was an animal.

"This is what you get for steeling my man." Melissa stood there and said. I wanted to hit her then, but I couldn't. I couldn't move, I just stood there holding my face. I could hear mum crying in the kitchen.

Was she disappointed in me? I hoped not, one thing I couldn't handle was mum being disappointed in me.

That night I ran up to my room and rung Spike straight away.

He was panicking, wondering whether dad was gong to hit him or summat.

Neither of us wanted this to happen, we just wanted to be together.

Maybe that meant we were being selfish, I didn't know. But we loved each other.

Things just went bad to worse from then on.

I didn't know then that things could get even worse, they did.


	6. Saying No

Saying no.

The day after I went round to Spike's place.

He answered the door, he looked pretty beaten up.

"Hey." He said and let me in.

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" I went up to him, he only pushed me away.

"Not really. You see, after you rung me, your dad paid me a little visit. Said that I should stay away from his daughter or else."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It was my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you. God damn it I shouldn't have fallen for you."

Spike was beating him self up about it, truth is, it was my fault.

I had kissed him back, and it was my dad who did this to him.

"What now?" I asked, knowing what I thought he was going to say.

I expected him to tell me it was over. He said quite the opposite.

"The firm has transferred me to LA." He paused thinking what to say next. "Wana come with?"

I couldn't believe what he was saying. "What?"

"If you don't wana, it's cool." He said and stood up;

he walked over to the door and held it open as if he wanted me to leave.

"No," I said. "It's just…."

"Complicated?" I loved it when he finished my sentences.

"Yeah, I don't know if I can just walk out on my family."

"I understand. It's stupid of me to ask."

"No, I do love you Spike. But they're my family."

"I know." He walked over to me and kissed my lips.

He had tears in his eyes that were soon staining his cheeks.

"I love you." I said.

The two of us stood there in a tight embrace.

After that he had gone.


	7. Dealing with the Dead

Dealing with the Dead.

Two months went by without me seeing Spike. Things had started to go back to the same, before Spike. Dad wasn't really pissed off with me anymore, which was a relief; however, he didn't really treat me like daddies girl anymore.

Instead, he was quiet. So was mum come to think about it, she didn't talk much, she didn't even go to work anymore. I thought it was strange, but didn't question it.

I had my graduation to think about, I had almost finished my college course and it was coming up to my nineteenth birthday. I couldn't wait, my friend, Willow was coming back from Boston. She had gone to a posh college there and I had stayed in Sunnydale.

I really couldn't wait, but then, things seemed to get worse again.

On the day of my nineteenth, I came home from the airport with Willow to find the police and a ambulance crew outside of my house.

I rushed into the house to see dad crying.

"What's up?" I asked him. I then looked at the lifeless body of mom; she had a piece of rope around her neck. She had hung herself.

I didn't sleep at all that night. I couldn't. It was my birthday and my mom had committed suicide. I couldn't face it. I was lucky I had Willow that night; she promised she'd be there for me until I was okay. She even said she'd move back to sunnydale, I couldn't let her, she had a life. A pretty good one by the sounds of it. She told me all about this guy she met the first day she'd met him, now they were engaged to be married.

Even though I had Willow that night, which I was grateful for, I wanted something more, I wanted Spike. He was the only one who could heal my broken heart. I wanted to lie in his arms and have him tell me everything will be okay. I couldn't, I knew it and it killed me.

The next few days leading up to the funeral were the hardest, we had to make decisions for the service that I couldn't, we had to pick what she would wear in the coffin, and most of all, what to read out in church. I had already chosen mine; it was mom's favourite poem.

She had read it at her mother's funeral, so I would read it at mine.

There were loads of people who turned up at the service. All of them said sorry for your loss and that, it annoyed me cause all of them knew how she died and were judging us. I heard one women say that she knew something like this would happen soon. That pissed me off a lot.

Dad stood at the front of the mass of people in black, he told them how much he loved mom, I knew he secretly blamed me, I could see it in his eyes.

Then it was my turn. I stood there, teary eyed and read the poem:

Do not stand at my grave and weep  
I am not there; I do not sleep.  
I am a thousand winds that blow,  
I am the diamond glints on snow,  
I am the sun on ripened grain,  
I am the gentle autumn rain.  
When you awaken in the morning's hush  
I am the swift uplifting rush  
of quiet birds in circled flight.  
I am the soft stars that shine at night.  
Do not stand at my grave and cry,  
I am not there; I did not die.

After the funeral I went to the Bronze, a popular club near my house. I had a few drinks and sat all alone. Then I was joined by someone familiar. I was shocked. Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him, "Spike?" I asked and he nodded. I fell into his lap and cried.


	8. Keeping in touch

Keeping in touch.

That night I spent at Spike's. He was living in a cheap hotel for a few weeks.

I spent most of the night lying in his arms and having him tell me everything will be okay, that was all I ever wanted.

"I love you." He kept telling me and kissing the top of my head.

I knew he did, that was the reason he came back,

he had heard about mom's death from the firm he had been moved to and rushed straight back.

I went back home the next day, expecting dad to have a go at me.

Instead he broke down and cried. We both did in fact. We had a heart to heart; it felt good to get everything out in the open.

"Spike's back in town." I remembered saying. He looked at me, part of me was

thinking he was going to blow, and then I carried on, "I spent the night at his. I'm sorry."

"Did you sleep with him?" he asked.

"No, I swear. I just needed someone to talk to. I'm so sorry daddy."

He didn't say anything after that, he just embraced, father and daughter, just like before.

"I'm so sorry." I said to Spike. I didn't want to say that to him, but I had a ch

oice and I choose my family.

"It's okay, I understand."

He kissed my lips silently as tears stained my cheeks.

"Keep in touch?" I asked and he nodded.

Then he said, "It's fair to say that you're the most incredible women I have ever met Miss Summers."

That was the last thing I remembered him saying to me. For a while anyway,

we always spoke on the phone and kept in touch.

We spoke about everything and at anytime of the night or morning too.

I once remembered him ringing me at eight at night and we were talking

'til seven in the morning.

It was nice, having someone like Spike still in my life.

Some day's after mom's death I didn't think I could survive the sadness,

but it was people like Spike and Willow who made it easier.

After every phone call we always said, "I love you" at the end.

I didn't know why then, but it just seemed like something to say.

It was true though, we did love each other.

Very much, but I guess sometimes; things just aren't meant to be.


	9. Back to old habits

Back to old habits.

One day, about a month after Spike had gone, he came back to town and asked if we could meet up.

We did, I met him at the nearest Starbucks, I dind;t know what was bothering him that he couldn't say it on the phone, but I was eager to find out.

"Hey." I said when he arrived.

"Waiting long?"

"No, only an hour."

"Really?" I laughed.

"Nah, it's cool." He laughed too, I loved the little lines he got near his mouth when he did.

He ordered a drink and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I love you Buffy. And, being away from you for so long, has made me realise I can't be without you."

He blurted out. I chocked on my drink.

"Spike, I've just gotten things back together with my dad."

"I know, and I hate to do this, but I just need to get it off my chest."

"I know, and you know I feel the same way."

"I don't get it Buffy, we're both adults and yet it's wrong for us to be together, why? Why the hell can't we."

He raised a good point. It was true; we were bother adults, so why couldn't we be together?

"We can, but not so my dad knows."

"Behind his back?"

I nodded and cried at that point.

I didn't know why the tears were running down my cheeks, they just were.

So, after that we tried it out behind everyone's back. We sneaked around like before. The funny thing about it is, dad knew Spike was back in town, but he didn't really notice me not around as much. I guess that's because he had Willow there. I didn't know why, but those two had become really good friends. I guess daddy needed it, after mom.

When mom was around, dad used to have his little flings with women. I knew he did, and so did mom, but none of us wanted to say anything. We didn't want it to be true I guess.

I thought once, that maybe he was with Willow, but that was stupid.

Wasn't it?

Well I was wrong. One day when I came home,

I found them. It broke my heart, I didn't know why thought, perhaps because she was my friend.

And not his own age. It sounds selfish thinking about it now, because I was with Spike.

He was Dad's friend, and not my own age.

I should've tried to be happy for them,

then maybe what happened wouldn't have.


	10. A new start

A new start.

After seeing my dad and best friend together, I decided to move out and in with Spike. It was great. He looked after me real well. Every Friday night we'd rent a movie and some popcorn, other nights he cooked for me. It was great. I still missed dad though. And Willow. I wondered how they were form time to time, but never dared call.

But one day, Willow came round. She looked all teary eyed. I invited her in and she broke down on me. I begged her to tell me, and then she did. It felt like a bomb had hit me. It hurt so much, I had caused it, and I knew I did. Willow forgave me, but I didn't forgive myself. I had killed my dad. No longer daddies little girl. I thought moving in with Spike would give me a new start, but all the past demons kept coming back. Sometimes I didn't think I'd survive the sadness and sorrow. I did though. I had Spike there, after my dad died Willow moved back to Boston. I never spoke to her since.

After the funeral was over, I really got thinking. I needed a new start. Somewhere other than Sunnydale. I begged spike to come to LA with me. He did it straight away; he would do anything for me. I was lucky, some people spent their whole lives finding love, and sometimes they didn't. They stuck with second best just so they didn't have to be alone. I was lucky I didn't have to do that. I had found my true love, my soul mate.

When we moved to LA we settled down into a nice flat and Spike got a job at the big law firm there, Wolfram and Hart. One Christmas, our first one together and in LA, I missed a period. I took a test straight away. Nine months later, I and Spike had a baby girl to look after. We called her Nadia.

Life was great after Nadia was born; it made us even closer. The next few years whizzed by and soon Nadia was three, walking and talking.

I couldn't get enough of life then. I even continued to write. I had four books published over a five year period. Spike supported me every step of the way.

However, on my thirtieth birthday, he was gone. Just like that.


	11. Life ends here and starts somewhere else

Life ends here and starts somewhere new.

I got a police officer at my door that night. He told me that Spike my driving home and got hit from the side by someone drunk behind the wheel. The driver survived, but my Spike died. And when he did, a part of me died with him. Nadia was fifth teen and I was lucky to have her there with me. She made the hard decisions I couldn't for the funeral.

After the funeral, me and Nadia decided to move, there was no reason for us to stay there any more. We moved to a quiet house in England. I carried on writing, mostly about the tragedies of losing Spike. He was my first love and last. I vowed never to find anyone else after that. and I didn't. I had Nadia, and when she grew up, I had the comfort of getting lost in my own imagination.


	12. The final chapter

The final chapter.

Hey, this is Nadia. You see, my mom passed away a few weeks ago. And I know that she would've wanted me to finish this for her. So I am. My mom was a saint. Her and dad. It was a tragedy when we lost him and now an even bigger one losing her.

She would've wanted me to mention something about dad, well here goes. He was an amazing man. And I'm lucky I have found someone as great as my dad was. Is name is Angel. I wish I could've told my mom that I'm pregnant. I guess she'll be looking down in the sky, watching over her family. And I know she will be there when the new arrival comes.

Sorry this is such a short chapter, I really didn't know what to write for mom. But I do know to write this…..

Mom, if you are looking down on us right now, you did the right thing with dad. You didn't fall in with the wrong crowd; you fell in with the right one.

For Buffy Ann Summers

The greatest mom in the world.


End file.
